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100 Brits vs 100 Americans is latest viral death match as UK tipped to sausage roll them over
EXCLUSIVE: It's the battle royale of our time – 100 Brits vs 100 Americans, with angry British Greggs workers and school kids taking up the fight against Florida men and Bigfoot
A comedian has claimed America “would be over” if 100 of their best fought 100 Brits, citing Greggs workers and GP receptionists as the reason why.
The world is in its “who would win in a fight” era, with the internet throwing up the sort of questions a five-year-old would ask their parents, such as the on-going debate about 100 men vs one gorilla. In the latest iteration, UK comedian Shabaz Says took to Instagram to run through a hypothetical scenario where 100 Brits took on 100 Americans – and won comprehensively.
“We ain’t all sat here drinking tea and watching Downton [Abbey],” the influencer bristled. “We’d have you.” Shabaz then went through all the scariest types of Brits that would make our 100, and we’ll be honest – it’s an uphill battle for the folks across the pond.
According to Shabaz, the UK’s “first line of defence” would be GP receptionists. We’ve all desperately phoned the doctor’s at 8.01am in a bid to secure an appointment, only to be met with a blunt: “You’re too late, call tomorrow,” coming from the receiver.
“Secondly, you ever seen a Year 9 roadman? North Face jacket, highlighter vape, JD sports bag,” Shabaz added. “What about scouse girls? Or, in fact any girls on a night out, with their eyelashes, nails out and their high heels.” We’d have to agree.
The comedian then cited “Janet from Greggs – do you think you’re getting past her?” Shabaz then ran through some other prospects, from B&M workers to school mums who “march into school to take on teachers because their kid has sworn at one”.
Shabaz then revealed the UK’s secret weapon: “If all else fails, we’ve got the Scottish. Take their Irn Bru off them – you’re gone.”
The Daily Star has pondered this interesting scenario, and would like to add in a few suggestions of our own.
Notorious adult star Bonnie Blue would also make the cut, we feel, going man-for-man with her opposite number in states Lana Rhoades.
Obviously, the US has Bigfoot – but even if he did really exist, would he even be able to nab an appointment off a stressed out GP receptionist? We highly doubt it.
Perhaps a bigger – and more real – threat to us Brits would be the Florida Man. A glazed-over, MAGA-merch-clad bloke with a beer in one hand, and the proceeds of the Second Amendment in the other is quite a scary prospect.
Still, doubt he’s getting past Janet at Greggs when the sausage rolls run out. “There’s a five minute wait on these mate, you can do one.”
Daily Star Sunday
EXCLUSIVE: It's the battle royale of our time – 100 Brits vs 100 Americans, with angry British Greggs workers and school kids taking up the fight against Florida men and Bigfoot
A comedian has claimed America “would be over” if 100 of their best fought 100 Brits, citing Greggs workers and GP receptionists as the reason why.
The world is in its “who would win in a fight” era, with the internet throwing up the sort of questions a five-year-old would ask their parents, such as the on-going debate about 100 men vs one gorilla. In the latest iteration, UK comedian Shabaz Says took to Instagram to run through a hypothetical scenario where 100 Brits took on 100 Americans – and won comprehensively.
“We ain’t all sat here drinking tea and watching Downton [Abbey],” the influencer bristled. “We’d have you.” Shabaz then went through all the scariest types of Brits that would make our 100, and we’ll be honest – it’s an uphill battle for the folks across the pond.
According to Shabaz, the UK’s “first line of defence” would be GP receptionists. We’ve all desperately phoned the doctor’s at 8.01am in a bid to secure an appointment, only to be met with a blunt: “You’re too late, call tomorrow,” coming from the receiver.
“Secondly, you ever seen a Year 9 roadman? North Face jacket, highlighter vape, JD sports bag,” Shabaz added. “What about scouse girls? Or, in fact any girls on a night out, with their eyelashes, nails out and their high heels.” We’d have to agree.
The comedian then cited “Janet from Greggs – do you think you’re getting past her?” Shabaz then ran through some other prospects, from B&M workers to school mums who “march into school to take on teachers because their kid has sworn at one”.
Shabaz then revealed the UK’s secret weapon: “If all else fails, we’ve got the Scottish. Take their Irn Bru off them – you’re gone.”
The Daily Star has pondered this interesting scenario, and would like to add in a few suggestions of our own.
Notorious adult star Bonnie Blue would also make the cut, we feel, going man-for-man with her opposite number in states Lana Rhoades.
Obviously, the US has Bigfoot – but even if he did really exist, would he even be able to nab an appointment off a stressed out GP receptionist? We highly doubt it.
Perhaps a bigger – and more real – threat to us Brits would be the Florida Man. A glazed-over, MAGA-merch-clad bloke with a beer in one hand, and the proceeds of the Second Amendment in the other is quite a scary prospect.
Still, doubt he’s getting past Janet at Greggs when the sausage rolls run out. “There’s a five minute wait on these mate, you can do one.”
Daily Star Sunday